The Wizard of Ak
by Nadine
Summary: Poor Dib is stuck in a Wizard of Oz parody, complete with songs! This horrible monstrosity is now complete!
1. Someplace Where There Isn't Any Trouble

**The Wizard of Ak**

* * *

_A panicked Dib ran into the Membrane household to search for clues to the latest mystery. He couldn't explain what was happening, but he knew that there was something paranormal behind what was going on. Gaz was sitting on the couch playing her Game Slave and trying to ignore her brother, but she couldn't keep quiet once he started looking behind the couch._

Gaz: Go away!

Dib: But I'm looking for clues! I have to figure out what's going on!

Gaz: Why can't you do something else?

_Dib motioned towards the rest of the room._

Dib: But haven't you noticed it?

Gaz: No.

Dib: But the whole world's turned black and white! Well... it's really more of a series of browns, but...

Gaz: GO AWAY!

_Just then, Professor Membrane entered the room._

Prof. M: What's going on in here?

Gaz: Dib's being annoying.

Dib: But... but...

Prof. M: Now, son, why don't you go some place where you won't get into any trouble?

_Dib, without saying a word, left the house and headed towards the park. Before long, he noticed he was being followed by a dog: a chihuahua with a lobotomy scar, to be precise. Having nobody else to talk to, he began soliliquizing to the poor creature._

Dib: Some place where there isn't any trouble. Do you suppose there is such a place, uh, whoever you are? There must be. Not a place you can get to by a boat or a train. It's far, far away... beyond the moon, beyond the rain.

_Before he could wonder about whether some paranormal forces were causing him to act wildly out of character, Dib did something even more out of character; he sat on a conveniently located bale of hay and broke into song._

**Somewhere Beyond This City**  
Dib: Somewhere beyond this city,  
Past the stars,  
Past the Earth that I live in,  
Even past planet Mars.

Somewhere beyond this city  
Where I could,  
Study the paranormal  
All for the greater good.

Some day I'll go out into space  
In search of some alien face-  
-s and stuff...

Where I'll be taken serious'ly,  
And people will not laugh at me,  
That will be... enough.

Somewhere beyond this city,  
Spaceships fly.  
They fly outside Earth's orbit,  
Why then, oh why, can't I?

If these alien ships can fly  
Outside Earth's orbit...  
Why, oh why, can't I?

_Dib sighed and got up. He did not walk far before something caught his eye. It was a wagon with the words 'Talk to Professor Membrane' on it. Dib shrugged and went inside, followed by the chihuahua. Of course, he wouldn't be talking to the real Membrane; it was one of a series of cleverly designed animatronic robots that the professor had put together as a way to make a little side money. Dib put a quarter in the slot, and the robot came to life._

M. Robot: Well, well, well! House guests, huh? Ha ha ha ha! And who might you be? No, no, now don't tell me. Let's see. You're travelling in disguise.

Dib: Uh, no...

M. Robot: Studies show that you're... going on a visit.

Dib: Nope.

M. Robot: You're, you're... running away.

_Dib, who was tired of the robot's guesses, nodded._

Dib, sarcastically: How did you guess?

M. Robot: Ha ha! Professor Membrane never guesses. He knows! Ha ha! Now, why are you running away?

Dib: Uh, just because. What should I do?

M. Robot: Well, let's look in the spacial-temporal prediction glass, shall we?

_The mirror behind the robot began to show a scene; however, it was too vague to clearly make out._

Dib: What's that supposed to be?

M. Robot: Hmm. Could it be someone near and dear to you?

_Dib sighed. This robot was getting annoying._

Dib: Like my dad?

M. Robot: Ah, yes. That'll do. He's... crying. Someone has hurt him. Someone has just about broken his heart.

Dib: Eh, that doesn't sound like him...

M. Robot: It's someone he loves very much; someone he's been very kind to; someone he's taken care of in sickness. Uh, hint, hint...

Dib: Fine, I get it! That was a waste of a quarter...

_Dib and the chihuahua left the wagon and walked in the direction of the Membrane household. However, when he looked up, he noticed something quite unusual in the sky..._


	2. The Tornado

_Dib was very confused by what he saw._

Dib: A tornado? Attacking the city? It doesn't make sense! What would a tornado be doing in this part of the country?

_Dib looked closer and was shocked to find an Irken ship at the center of the tornado._

Dim: Zim... He must be controlling it! I should have known.

_Zim, and Gir, inside the safety of the ship, laughed at Dib._

Zim: Ha, Dib! You'll never be able to escape my tornado machine! And once I have taken care of you, I'll unleash spooky meteorological doom on the whole planet!

Dib: You'll never get away with this, Zim!

_Unfortunately, Dib couldn't think of any way to stop his rival at this point. The best he could do would be to escape until Zim stopped the machine and he could actually stage a counterattack. Dib ran to the Membrane house and towards the 'Membrane Super-Deluxe Shelter' in the backyard. However, it was locked; his dad and Gaz must have gone in when they saw the tornado. Desperate, Dib ran into his house and waited out the tornado in his room. Upon looking down, he noticed the chihuahua, who had continued to follow him for some strange reason._

Dib: What are you doing here? Why don't you go home?

_Dib looked out the window._

Dib: Well, I guess you can stay in here for now... But you'll have to leave once things get back to normal!

_Dib went over to his bed just as the window had become dislodged from the force of the storm. It hit Dib's head (because it would be hard to miss a target so big), and Dib had been knocked out for a second. When he finally came to, Dib looked out the window. He was amazed to find that his house was inside the tornado itself. Several people he knew flew past. Gaz, who must have not made it into the shelter after all, was playing her game slave, seemingly unconcerned that she was caught in a tornado. Dib had to stifle a giggle as he saw Zim and Gir, who had apparently lost control of the ship, fly past. Finally, he saw his teacher, Ms. Bitters, looking even scarier than usual as she rode on her bike... or was that a broomstick?_

_After some time in the air, the house began to descend, eventually fallling to the ground with a crash. Dib decided to investigate, and, taking the chihuahua with him, walked outside. What he saw astounded him. For one thing, the surroundings were colorful again; Dib glanced at himself and was happy to see that he was in color, and no longer black and white, or a series of browns, or whatever. In addition, the town that he had landed in was like nothing he had seen before. The tiny houses and plants looked almost like something out of a storybook. In the center of the scene, Dib could see the beginnings of a road as it spiraled out from the town square._

Dib: I don't think we're on Earth anymore...

_Dib looked at the dog._

Dib: I guess this means I'll be stuck with you for a while.


	3. Are You A Good Witch Or A Bad Witch?

_Dib got his handy Paranomalists' Journal from his trenchcoat and began to make observations. The place looked deserted, but he couldn't help feeling that _somebody_ was watching him. However, he was not able to make too many notes before a pinkish bubble began to descend to Ear... er, the mysterious non-Earth place in a flourish of music. A tall, red-eyed Irken in an ornate costume stepped out of the bubble. Dib, realizing that it would be unwise to rant about aliens when he was on a foreign planet, opted instead to wave sheepishly at the stranger._

R. Irken: Welcome to the Irken city. Are you a good witch or a bad witch?

Dib: Uh, I'm not a witch at all...

R. Irken: Whoops, my mistake. Are you a good warlock or a bad warlock?

Dib: I'm NOT a witch, or a warlock, or anything! I'm Dib, from Earth.

_The Irken pointed at the chihuahua._

R. Irken: Is that the warlock?

Dib: Are you kidding? That's just a dog!

R. Irken: Well, there has to be a wit... er, warlock here somewhere. The Irkens called me because a new warlock has just dropped a house on the Bitters Witch of the East.

Dib: Huh? Who are you, anyway?

R. Irken: I am the Almighty Warlock of the North. I'd introduce you to the Almighty Warlock of the South, but he seems to be busy at the moment...

_The Warlock of the North coughed impatiently. Just then, a purple bubble descended to the ground, and out stepped an Irken who looked similar to the first, except that he was dressed in purple. The second Irken had a half-empty basket of what appeared to be curly fries in his hands._

W. North: So nice of you to join us.

W. South: Uh, hi there! What did I miss?

W. North: This guy just dropped a house on the Bitters Witch of the East.

_The Warlock of the North gestured towards the feet of what must have been the Bitters Witch. All Dib could see was a pair of gaudy red shoes._

W. South: _Him_? You've got to be kidding!

W. North: Well, there's the house, and here he is, and that's all that's left of the Bitters Witch of the East.

W. South: Well, is he a good warlock or a bad warlock?

Dib: This again? How many times do I have to say that I'm not a warlock?! Do I look like a warlock?

W. South: How about that four-legged spooky thing?

_Dib rolled his eyes._

W. North: Uh, anyway... the little Irkens who live in this land are happy because you have freed them from the Bitters Witch of the East. You are their national hero... imagine that. So, um, how can we show our thanks?

_Dib smiled and looked at the aliens._

Dib: Ooh... can I have DNA sample, or something? Mysterious Mysteries would kill for that!

W. South: Um, well, hmm... no.

_The Warlock of the North took the curly fries from his fellow warlock._

W. North: Here you go. Congratulations!

W. South: Hey! I wasn't finished with that!

_Dib looked at the half-eaten pile of fries with an expression of disgust and returned it to its former owner._

Dib: Uh... you can have it...

W. North: Well, how can we show our gratitude? Huh? HUH?

W. South: Hmm... why don't we have the Irkens show their thanks? Hey, you guys! You can come out!

**Come Out**  
W. South: Come out, come out,  
Citizens of Irk  
And meet your new hero...  
Please come; do not lurk.

W. North: He fell down from Earth.  
Well, that's what he said...  
He calls himself Dib,  
And he has a big head!

_Several Irkens began to creep out from behind the bushes. They were dressed in festive, colorful outfits that were very different from the Invader uniforms that Dib was familiar with._

Irkens: Dib is his name,  
And he has a big head!

Dib: I do not!

W. North: Sure...

W. South: And we have good news,  
For when Dib did come,  
His house crushed the wicked witch  
Who once made us all glum.

W. South: Now, will you tell us what happened?

Dib: I can't remember most of it, but here's what I recall...  
I saw a tornado,  
Which Zim did grow...  
I went inside and was hit by a big window.  
The Bitters Witch  
In a dress dark as pitch,  
Went by my house and cackled like a real, uh, bad person...

Irken 1: And oh, what happened then was rich!

Irkens: For then the house came down,  
The Bitters Witch did frown.  
It landed on top of her crown,  
In the middle of our town.  
So Dib was the person responsible for taking her down!

For then the house came down,  
The Bitters Witch did frown.  
It landed on top of her crown,  
In the middle of our town.  
So Dib was the person responsible for taking her down!

She began to twitch  
And was reduced to just a stitch  
Of what was once the Bitters Witch!

Irken 2: We thank you, big-headed one,  
For letting her life be done.

Irken 3: You've killed her, and everyone  
Will now be able to have fun.

W. North and South: Let the joyous news be spread, The Bitters Witch at last is dead!

_The assembled Irkens gave out a cheer for Dib._  



	4. Hurrah! Bitters is Dead!

_The throng of cheering Irkens paraded Dib through their city as they sang in celebration._

**Hurrah! Bitters is Dead!**  
Irkens: Hurrah! Bitters is dead!  
Dib's house fell right on her head!  
And so the Bitters Witch is dead!

Thanks to Dib, our hero,  
She'll always be a no-show,  
She's gone; the Bitters Witch is dead!

She'll no longer torment us!  
No fuss! Because... Dib was virt'ous!  
Our gratitude we'll show,  
So that Dib will know...

That we are happy now,  
So to Dib we will bow.  
We say ciao  
To Bitters, who is dead!

W. North and South: As rulers of the Irken City,  
In the County of the Land of Ak,  
We give you thanks and gratitude.  
And we'll dedicate a solemn platitude,

W. North: To thee!

W. South: To he?

Dib: To me?

W. North: Yes, he!

W. North: Whose gigantic cranium  


W. South: And large titanium

W. North: House caused her pain... ium!

Irkens: So Bitters is now quite reliably dead!

_The Almighty Warlocks cleared their throats._

W. North and South: As kings of Irk,  
It is a perk,  
To praise our heroes and their work.  
So we'll give our great thanks to you,  
For forcing her to say adieu!

_The Almighty Warlocks placed a medallion over Dib's head._

W. South: This is a great day of Independence,  
For all the Irkens and their descendants!

W. North: So, let the joyous news be spread,  
The old Bitters Witch at last is dead!

_Cheering could be heard from the crowd._

Irkens: Hurrah! Bitters is dead!  
Dib's house fell right on her head!  
And so the Bitters Witch is dead!

Thanks to Dib, our hero,  
She'll always be a no-show,  
She's gone; the Bitters Witch is dead!

She'll no longer torment us!  
No fuss! Because... Dib was virt'ous!  
Our gratitude we'll show,  
So that Dib will know...

That we are happy now,  
So to Dib we will bow.  
We say ciao  
To Bitters, who is dead!

_A trio of Irkens stepped out of the crowd and danced towards Dib._

Trio: We represent the Invaders' League, the Invaders' League, the Invaders' League,  
And in the name of the Invaders' League,  
We wish to welcome you to our fair town!

_As the group receded, a second trio came up and sang to Dib._

Trio2: We represent the warship pilots, the warship pilots, the warship pilots,  
And in the name of the warship pilots,  
We wish to welcome you to our fair town!

_The whole group of Irkens gan up to Dib._

Irkens: So, welcome to Irken City... Tra la la la la la, la la la, la la la!  
Yes, welcome to Irken City... Tra la la la la, la la!

Skoodge: From now on you will be revered  
Tenn: Be revered?  
Larb: Be revered?  
Skoodge: Yes, you'll be revered!

W. North and South: And if you think it's not too weird...  
We will sing your praise,  
Sing your praise,  
Sing your praise,  
So that you'll be cheered!

Irkens: Tra la la la la, la la la, la la la...  
Tra la la la la, la la!  
Tra la la la la, la la la, la la la...  
Tra la la la la, la...

_However, before the Irkens could finish the celebration, a ball of fire and smoke (and doom, naturally) appeared in the middle of the city. The Irkens screamed in fright and scattered, and the chihuahua jumped in Dib's arms for protection. Dib would have been annoyed, but he was too busy trying to see what otherworldly force could have caused the explosion. On examination, he was able to make out a broomstick. But how could it be? Didn't he already kill the witch?_


	5. The Witch of the West

_As Dib examined the cloud of smoke, he was able to make out the tall, serpentine figure holding the broomstick. He could have sworn that it was Ms. Bitters, except _this_ woman was wearing a tall, pointed hat and had green skin. Dib leaned over to the Almighty Warlocks._

Dib: I thought you said I killed the witch!

W. North: No, you killed the Bitters Witch of the East. This here's the Bitters Witch of the _West_. You see the difference?

W. South: She's worse than the other one. _Much_ worse. You're in trouble now...

Dib: Why didn't you say anything about her before?

W. South: What, and spoil the mood?

_As the Warlock of the South munched on his curly fries, Dib looked at the Irkens, who were cowering behind assorted buildings, statues, and plants._

Dib: And _this_ doesn't count as 'spoiling the mood'?

_Before either of the Almighty Warlocks could respond, the Bitters Witch of the West stepped out of the smoke and went towards Dib._

Witch: Who killed my sister?

Dib: Uh, I just got here. You might try looking a few towns over...

_The Bitters Witch picked up a pennant, which read "Hail Dib, the witch-killing hero" on the side, looked at the medallion around Dib's neck, which incidentally had his name on it, and glared at Dib. Dib could hear a faint hissing sound coming from nowhere in particular._

Dib: Uh, eheh... It was an accident, really. I didn't mean to kill anybody!

Witch: Is that so... Dib?

Dib: Let me explain...

**Come Out (Reprise)**  
Dib: I can't remember most of it, but here's...

Witch: Stop! No singing! So it was an accident, Dib? I can cause accidents too... and then you'll be doomed... doomed... doomed...

W. North: Well, I hate to break this up, but aren't you forgetting something?

_The witch glared at the Warlock of the North._

Witch: Forgetting what?

W. North: The slippers...

Witch: Oh, yes.

_The witch slithered over to the spot where her sister's feet were. She was about to take the ruby slippers off her feet when the Almighty Warlock of the North zapped the shoes with his wand and replaced them with a pair of boots. Dib looked down at his own feet and turned red himself as he saw the high heeled ruby slippers on his own feet. Before he could do anything, however, the witch mysteriously appeared behind him._

Dib: Heh, sorry about that...

_Dib bent down to take the slippers off, but before he could do anything, the Warlock of the South tapped Dib on the shoulder and shook his head._

W. South: I wouldn't do that if I were you... Their magic must be very powerful or she wouldn't want them so badly.

_The witch glared at Dib again. Another hissing noise came from out of nowhere._

W. North: Begone... and stuff!

Witch: Fine. Dib?

Dib: Huh?

Witch: You will be doomed... and your little dog, too!

Dib: But this isn't even my dog...

_Before Dib could finish, the witch disappeared in a puff of smoke._

W. North: Whoops, it looks like you've made rather a bad enemy of the Bitters Witch of the West.

Dib: _I've_ made a bad enemy? It wasn't _my_ idea to try on these ridiculous shoes!

W. South: Um... well, it would probably be a good idea for you to get out of Ak anyway.

Dib: Ak? What kind of a name is that for a planet? It sounds like you just took two random letters...

W. South: I know you are, but what am I?

Dib: What does that even mean?

W. North: Moving on... The only person who might be able to help you would be the great and wonderful Wizard of Ak himself.

Dib: Who is he?

W. North: He's very good, but very mysterious. He lives in the Sapphire City, and that's a long journey from here. Did you remember your broomstick?

Dib: Uh... no.

_Dib pointed to the horse-drawn carriages that were used in the parade. _

Dib: Can I use one of those?

W. South: Are you insured?

Dib: I'm just a kid! Why would I have insurance?

_The Almighty Warlocks shrugged._

W. South: Looks like you'll have to walk, then. The Irkens will see you to the border of the city, but then you're on your own.

_Dib started to take off the ruby slippers._

W. North: Oh, and Dib?

Dib: Hm?

W. North: Never let those ruby slippers off your feet for a moment, or you will be at the mercy of the Bitters Witch of the West.

Dib: Aw...

W. South: Just follow the Grey Concrete Road... It will take you right to the Sapphire City.

_Dib walked towards the road and began his journey out of the Irken City._

**Follow the Grey Concrete Road**  
Dib: Follow the Grey Concrete Road...  
Follow the Grey Concrete Road?

W. North and South: Follow the Grey Concrete Road!  
Skoodge: Follow the Grey Concrete Road!  
Tenn: Follow the Grey Concrete Road!  
Larb: Follow the Grey Concrete Road!

Irkens: Follow the Grey Concrete Road!  
Follow the Grey Concrete Road!  
Follow, follow, follow, follow,  
Follow the Grey Concrete Road!  
Follow the Grey Concrete,  
Follow the Grey Concrete,  
Follow the Grey Concrete Road!

**Off to See the Wizard**  
Irkens: You're off to see the Wizard,  
The Wonderful Wizard of Ak.  
He knows a lot about everything,  
His mind could not ever lack.

If your mind you ever did try to rack,  
To think of his faults, you'd be off track!  
Off track, off track, off track, off track, off track!  
Because for everything he has a knack!

You're off to see the Wizard,  
The Wonderful Wizard of Ak!


	6. The Scarecrow

_Dib and the chihuahua continued down the road, with Dib wondering how women could stand to walk in uncomfortable shoes like the ruby slippers he was forced to wear. After a while, they came to a fork in the road._

Dib: I thought that Warlock guy said the road would lead straight to the Wizard... Oh well, it might be a good time to rest my feet anyway.

_Sitting down at the edge of a cornfield, Dib took the opportunity to record his experiences in the Irken city in his Paranormalists' Journal. Before he could finish, he was interrupted by a familiar-sounding voice._

Voice: What'cha doin?

_Dib turned around to find what appeared to be Zim's robot, wearing a poorly stitched together scarecrow disguise._

Dib: What does it look like? I am writing some notes down, and then I am going to find the Wizard of Ak, whoever he is. Then I can get...

_The scarecrow pointed at Dib's slippers._

Scarecrow: Pretty shoes! Just like the ladies on TV!

_Dib turned red._

Dib: I'll have you know that the entire fate of this planet depends on me wearing these shoes! If I took them off for even a second, the witch would take them, and she could use their power to destroy us all! So don't laugh!

_The scarecrow looked at Dib quizzically as he gave his somewhat hysterical rant._

Scarecrow: Can I try them on? I wanna look all pretty!

Dib: Didn't you listen too what I just said?

Scarecrow: Um... hmmm.... uh... no.

Dib: Well, you can't.

Scarecrow: Aw, man...

Dib: Um, what is the way to Ak?

_The scarecrow pointed in one direction, and Dib headed off in the opposite way._

Dib: Well, seeya.

Scarecrow: Wait! Take me with you! TAKE ME WITH YOU!

Dib: Why should I?

Scarecrow: 'Cause I wanna ask the Wizard for something too...

Dib: What on Ear... I mean Ak, could you possibly want?

**If I Only Could Be Sane**  
Scarecrow: I could be a real smart cookie,  
And not a plain ol' rookie,  
If I could simply gain,  
Doo doo, doo doo, doo doo doo...  
The thing that I do aim for,  
And which I could win acclaim for.  
If I only could be sane.

I would chat with every piggy,  
But that would be no biggie,  
For someone with my brain.  
Doo doo, doo doo, doo doo doo...

Dib, sarcastically: Your thoughts would be very fine,  
And you'd be another Einstein,  
If you only could be sane.

Scarecrow: Oh, I  
Could fin'lly try,  
To be real smart and wise!  
The Scary Monkey Show I would then analyze.  
And then I'd sit, and I'd theorize!

It's quite hard to say precisely,  
How it would work so nicely.  
I cannot... uh...

Dib: Explain?

Scarecrow: Oh, yeah! Doo doo, doo doo, doo doo doo...  
I would just be so happy,  
That it really would be sappy,  
If I only could be sane.

Dib: Uh, well, that's nice. Seeya!

Scarecrow: TAKE ME WITH YOU! If I don't go I'll be sad and I'll cry and I'll be stuck here and I'll be sad some more and I'll run around and I'll eat all the corn and I'll cry again and...

Dib: If you do go with me, will you behave?

Scarecrow: Okee-dokee!

Dib: Fine...

Scarecrow: Yay! Let's go!

**Off to See the Wizard**  
Dib and Scarecrow: We're off to see the Wizard,  
The Wonderful Wizard of Ak.  
He knows a lot about everything,  
His mind could not ever lack.

If your mind you ever did try to rack,  
To think of his faults, you'd be off track!  
Off track, off track, off track, off track, off track!  
Because for everything he has a knack!

We're off to see the Wizard,  
The Wonderful Wizard of Ak!

_The trio faded into the distance as they followed the road to the Sapphire city and the Wizard of Ak._


	7. The Tin Girl

_As Dib, the scarecrow, and the chihuahua reached the forest, the group began to get hungry. Fortunately, there were several apple trees on the side of the road. Dib reached for an apple, but was surprised when the tree started fighting back._

Dib: Hey!

Tree: Now, what do you think you're doing?

Dib: Getting something to eat...

Tree: How'd you like it if someone pulled your hair every time they were hungry? Huh?

Dib: Uh...

Scarecrow: Whee!

_The scarecrow had climbed on the tree and had begun to swing on one of the branches._

Tree: Hey you! Get off of there!

Scarecrow: Whee hee! I'm getting dizzy!

_The tree resorted to throwing its own apples at the annoying little scarecrow. Several of its fellow trees joined in the effort until they had succeeding in getting the scarecrow down. Dib immediately began to pick up the juciest looking apples._

Dib: Good work!

Scarecrow: Yay! What'd I do?

_Dib munched on an apple, while the scarecrow ate all except one. Dib looked at the leftover apple._

Dib: Hmm... I might want to keep this one. Once I'll get back home, I'll probably want to do a scientific study of the talking trees...

_Unfortunately, the apple slipped out of Dib's hand and rolled behind a nearby bush. Dib chased it, with the scarecrow and chihuahua close behind him. Upon getting the apple, Dib found something more intriguing. Right in front of him was what appeared to be a girl made entirely from tin. And, even more amazingly, she looked almost like his sister, or at least a metallic version of her. The figure and the video game that she was holding appeared to be completely rusted. Dib found a nearby oil can and began to put the oil on her joints. Meanwhile, the scarecrow ate the final apple. Soon, the tin girl was able to speak._

Tin Girl: What are you doing? Go away!

Dib: You were rusted! If I hadn't done something, you would have been stuck there forever.

Tin Girl: Whatever.

_She smirked._

Tin Girl: By the way, nice shoes.

Dib: Hey! The fate of the planet depends on me wearing these! If I...

Tin Girl: Yeah, sure.

Dib: But it's true! Do you think I'd wear these of my own free will?

_The tin girl shrugged._

Tin Girl: Well, goodbye.

_As Dib and the others left, the tin girl let out a shriek. Dib ran back to her._

Dib: What's wrong?

Tin Girl: What did you do to my game? You will PAY for this!

Dib: B... but it was like that when we got here! It must have rusted at the same time as you.

Tin Girl: I need that game! I cannot live without it!

Dib: But why?

_A tune began to play in the background._

Scarecrow: Ooh... I feel a song coming on!

**If I Only Had a Game**  
Tin Girl: I could while away the hours,  
As guys with superpowers,  
And electronic fame.

Scarecrow: Doo doo, doo doo, doo doo doo...

_The tin girl glared at the scarecrow, who promptly shut up._

Tin Girl: I'd play Olympic Punter,  
Or Vampire Piggy Hunter,  
If I only had a game.

I could then take out the bad guys,  
And cut them all down to size,  
In manners far from tame.  
And with my alter ego,  
All of this would truly be so,  
If I only had a game.

See me;  
My destiny,  
Is to get a high score!  
I'll play much better than I ever have before.  
And after that, I'll play some more!

I could try to play Parcheesi,  
But that makes me uneasy;  
It wouldn't be the same.  
The only real tonic,  
Is a sport that's electronic.  
If I only had a game.

Scarecrow: Come with us! We're going to see the Wizard of Ak! He can do everything! He's gonna make me sane, and give the doggie a bone, and shrink his enormous head, and...

Dib: My head's not big! And I'm getting the Wizard to take me home, not shrink my head!

Scarecrow: Oh. Well you really should...

Dib: Enough about my head!

Tin Girl: Heh, maybe you should ask the Wizard to get you a dress to go with those shoes.

Dib: For the last time...

Scarecrow: So will you go with us? Pretty please?

Tin Girl: Fine. But I had better get my game when we get to this Wizard... or you both will regret it.

Scarecrow: Yay!

_Before they could leave, the witch appeared on top of a nearby cottage._

Witch: I see you've made some little friends! Well, no matter, you all will be doomed. And that tree over there? Doomed. And that squirrel? Doomed. And that pinecone, right next to that tree? Doomed. And that rock that's shaped like...

Tin Girl: She's not going to go after us, is she?

_Dib looked over at the Bitters Witch._

Witch: ...that fish? Doomed. And...

Dib: I don't think so.

Tin Girl: Well, let's hurry up and get my game!

**Off to See the Wizard**  
Dib, Scarecrow and Tin Girl: We're off to see the Wizard,  
The Wonderful Wizard of Ak.  
He knows a lot about everything,  
His mind could not ever lack.

If your mind you ever did try to rack,  
To think of his faults, you'd be off track!  
Off track, off track, off track, off track, off track!  
Because for everything he has a knack!

We're off to see the Wizard,  
The Wonderful Wizard of Ak!

_As the Bitters Witch continued to prophesize doom, the group, now a quartet, followed the road to the Sapphire city._


	8. The Lion

_The quartet continued on the road until they reached a particularly spooky part or the forest. The scarecrow, who had only been somewhat annoying, now became extremely annoying._

Scarecrow: Ooh... this place is creepy! I bet there are lots of spooky things around! Right? Right?

Dib: Sure, sure. Now will you quiet down?

Scarecrow: I bet there are lots of zombies and lions and ghosts!

Dib, sarcastically: Oh, my.

_The scarecrow grinned and began to dance as the group continued on its way._

Scarecrow: Zombies and lions and ghosts, oh my! Zombies and lions and ghosts, OH MY! ZOMBIES AND LIONS AND GHOSTS, OH MY! ZOMBIES...

_Before Dib could get the scarecrow to shut up, a real lion emerged from behind a tree. If he hadn't gotten used to seeing twisted versions of the people he knew, Dib would have guessed that this was Zim in another one of his pathetic disguises. The lion looked very much like his archenemy, except his skin was golden and he had a mane and tail. In a show of bravado, the lion jumped out and attempted to scare the travellers._

Lion: Grr! Flee in terror before me, the mighty LION! I rule this forest with my amazing paws! You travellers! Obey the awesome power of the great wrath of me! Run, and perhaps I, the mighty lion, will spare your pitiful stinky lives! Grr!

Scarecrow: Hi Mr. Lion!

Lion: What? You do not flee? How can you not be terrified by my awesome liony mightiness?

Scarecrow: I wanna see your fluffy mane!

Lion: No, you can not see my amazing mane, for I, the LION...

_It was too late, though, for the scarecrow had gotten on top of the lion's head._

Scarecrow: Aw, it's so soft and fluffy!

Lion: Get off! Get off! Get off!

_As the lion threw the scarecrow down, the tin girl snickered._

Lion: What are you looking at? If you do not stop your pathetic laughing, I shall unleash the terrifying power of my terrible...

Dib: Who are you kidding? Now, if you don't mind, we're trying to get out of here.

Lion: Quiet, shoe boy! You have incurred the wrath of the great lion, and you will regret the day you brought on my vengeful liony doom!

_Before the lion could attack, however, the chihuahua walked between him and Dib. The lion, upon seeing the dog, began to panic._

Lion: Aaaah! Get it away from me! Get it away!

_Dib, smirking, picked up the chihuahua._

Dib: So the mighty king of the forest is afraid of a little dog? I mean, it's a really spooky dog and all, but that's still pretty pathetic.

Lion: You speak lies! I command the fear of every animal here! Just watch me!

_The lion went up to an innocent looking squirrel._

Lion: You! Obey!

_Not only did the squirrel not obey, but it also chomped on the lion's head, causing the lion to flail about until he was able to get the squirrel off of his head. Once he had freed himself from the squirrel, he noticed the entire group laughing at him._

Tin Girl: Some king... can't even order a squirrel around.

Lion: I'll show you! In a matter of days, I will rule the whole forest with an iron claw! And then I'll have my animal slaves... pelt you... with acorns! Yes! And you will cower before my acorns of...

Dib: Uh huh. How exactly are you going to make them obey you?

Lion: Hmmm... hm? Hmm... Well, it's obvious that I, while still _mighty_, have one flaw that prevents me from ruling over these forest creatures. It can't be my amazing physical strength or my great intellect, so... I've got it! I must have low self-esteem! If I regarded myself more highly, I could easily convince the animals of my overwhelming superiority, and they would rush to bow before me, the LION!

Dib: Uh, okay...

Scarecrow: Whee! Come with us! We're gonna see the Wizard of Ak, and he can get you anything! He's gonna make me sane, and...

Dib: Do you have to invite _everyone_ who we meet?

Scarecrow: Uh... yeah.

Lion: Hm... quite an interesting proposition. I will go with you filthy creatures, and soon you will all marvel at my self-esteem!

**If I Had High Self-Esteem**  
Lion: I could conquer ev'ry creature,  
Each squirrel and fawn and leech here,  
They'd all fall to my scheme.  
They, no doubt, would be bowing,  
Genuflecting, and kow-towing,  
If I had high self-esteem.

And once I fin'lly did reign,  
My slaves' eyes would all contain,  
A subservient gleam.  
I would rule from up on high...  
Tin Girl: I'd cause vampire pigs to die...  
Scarecrow: I'd be very clever and sly...  
Dib: If this guy will try to grant our ev'ry dream...  
Scarecrow: Then I know I will get sane,  
Tin Girl: A game,  
Dib: Back home,  
Lion: Esteem!

**Off to See the Wizard**  
Dib, Scarecrow, Tin Girl, and Lion: We're off to see the Wizard,  
The Wonderful Wizard of Ak.  
He knows a lot about everything,  
His mind could not ever lack.

If your mind you ever did try to rack,  
To think of his faults, you'd be off track!  
Off track, off track, off track, off track, off track!  
Because for everything he has a knack!

We're off to see the Wizard,  
The Wonderful Wizard of Ak!

Scarecrow: I wanna sing it again!

Dib: But you've already sung it three times! Aren't you sick of it?

Scarecrow: Uh... no! Let's sing it again!

Dib: No, let's not...

_The group went off into the distance, arguing about the song. However, they did not realize that they were being watched..._


	9. The Road to the Sapphire City

_In the highest tower of her castle, the witch, along with her (scary) winged monkey henchman, was watching the group in her crystal ball._

Witch: So, Dib, you're going to defy me? Well, I'll take care of you and your ridiculous friends.

_She pointed to the monkey._

Witch: You! Release the sleep demons! See to it that they don't make it to the Sapphire City! Now!

_The winged monkey saluted the Bitters Witch and left the room. Meanwhile, the quintet of travellers had approached the end of the forest. The Sapphire City was visible; only a field of flowers stood between them and the city._

Tin Girl: Finally.

Scarecrow: Yay! We made it! It's so pretty! And I'm gonna get sane! Whee hee hee!

_The scarecrow ran towards the city as fast as he could, and the others did their best to keep up with him. However, by the time they had gotten halfway across the field, several sleep demon type... things stood in their way. One was about to attack the scarecrow, but Dib was able to rescue him; unfortunately, Dib left himself open to be attacked, and another demon went after him, causing him to fall asleep. The lion, in a show of bravery (and stupidity), approached one of the demons._

Lion: How dare you foolish sleepy... demon... THINGYS impede my path? Prepare to face the wrath of... huh?

_The sleep demon knocked the lion out cold. Meanwhile, a few tried to attack the tin girl, who seemed not to pay attention to the attacks, or even be affected by them. The scarecrow, upon seeing two of his friends felled by the fearsome and frightful forces of their felonious foes, began to cry out._

Scarecrow: Somebody help us! Some... body... HELP US!

_Suddenly, the sleep demons were attacked by red lasers that seemed to come from out of nowhere. They retreated, and the scarecrow went over to Dib and the lion, who were still fast asleep. The tin girl kicked Dib in the ribs, but it didn't seem to do anything. Suddenly, a clowd of purple smoke descended on the group; when it lifted, the two were awake again. Meanwhile, the witch saw her plan fail in her crystal ball._

Witch: Bah! I guess I'll have to go over there myself.

_The Bitters Witch slithered over to her broomstick and flew away in the direction of the Sapphire City. Back in the field, the lion looked around and noticed that the demons had left._

Lion: Ha! So, you run away! That will show you to go against the awesome might of the mighty lion!

Tin Girl: Sure... now let's get my game already.

Scarecrow: Yay!

**Off to See the Wizard**  
Scarecrow: We're off to see the Wizard,  
The Wonder...

_The scarecrow noticed his three companions glaring at him and, miraculously shut up. Finally, the four of them, followed by the chihuahua, marched off towards the city._

**Come to the Gate**  
Mysterious ethereal voices: You're safe from the witch,  
You're safe from the squirrel,  
And the talking tree.  
Come to the gate of,  
Sapphire City.

And you will have won-  
-derous fun,  
Once you're done!  
Do not run!  
Come to the  
City gates!

Tin Girl: Will you hold on for a moment?

_The tin girl walked off._

Mysterious ethereal voices: You're safe from the witch,  
You're safe from the squirrel,  
And the talking... aak! No! What are you doing? Aaaaa!

_For a moment, there was complete silence. Dib nervously looked over at the scarecrow and lion. Finally, the tin girl came back to the group._

Tin Girl: There. Much better.

_The group made it to the gates. Dib knocked, and was answered by a purple-haired girl._

Girl: What do you want?

Dib: Uh, we want to see the Wizard of Ak.

Girl: Nobody can see the great Ak! I've never seen him. Not even his elite guards have seen him! You know, I could have been an elite guard instead of having to do this humiliating menial task! Answering the door! Can you imagine? I was even in training, but my whole life was ruined when...

Lion: Yes, yes. Very nice. Now, take us to him!

Girl: Why should I listen to you?

Dib: Well, um, the Almighty Warlocks told me to seek him out, and...

Girl: The Almighty Warlocks? Prove it!

Scarecrow: They gave him pretty red shoes!

_Dib turned red as the girl cackled maniacally. Dib got out his medallion._

Dib: They also gave me this medallion...

_However, the girl was still laughing and didn't stop to listen. The tin girl tapped Dib on the shoulder._

Tin Girl: The staff entrance is out back.

_While the girl continued her spooky maniacal laughter, the group followed the tin girl to the staff entrance and finally made it inside the Sapphire City._


	10. Inside the Sapphire City

_The group went through the staff entrance and got their first look at the Sapphire City itself._

Scarecrow: Ooooh... It's like a big 'ol mall! It's so blue and pretty! 

Dib: Wow! They must have used some really advanced science to build this place! Look at it!

Tin Girl: Yeah, sure. Let's find this wizard already.

_As Dib made a note in his Paranormalists' Jounal, a hoverscreen came up to the group._

Hoverscreen Guy: Hello, travellers! Welcome to the Sapphire City! Is it your first time in our great town?

Scarecrow: Oooh!

_The scarecrow jumped up and tried to grab the hoverscreen, which narrowly dodged the attack._

Hoverscreen Guy: Uh, well, I'll take that as a 'yes'... follow me.

_They followed the hoverscreen into a small building that said 'Guest Welcoming Center'. After the whole group had made it inside, the hoverscreen turned towards them._

Hoverscreen Guy: We give all our new visitors the grand tour of the wonderful Sapphire City, built by the mysterious Wizard of Ak himself!

Tin Girl: Can you just take us to the wizard now?

Hoverscreen Guy: Nope. But don't worry, the tour is loads of fun! You'll get to see all the wonders of...

Tin Girl: Is there singing?

Hoverscreen Guy: Yes. Yes there is.

Tin Girl, Dib, and Lion: Aw...

Scarecrow: Whoo hoo!

Hoverscreen Guy: Well, without further ado, let us begin!

**In the Great Sapphire City**  
Hoverscreen Guy: La de da, Hi de ho,  
You guys all should now come with me,  
To see the wonders that I'll show,  
In the great Sapphire City!

We achieve quite a lot,  
With our advanced technology!  
Because of it, no one's distraught,  
In the great Sapphire City!

_A few citizens, dressed entirely in blue, came and escorted the quintet out of the room and into the city. The hoverscreen followed them._

Citizens: You can buy a new wardrobe at our great store.  
We have theme parks too,  
And attractions galore.  
Never a bore!

_The citizens led the reluctant group into the 'Ak Attack Beauty Salon'._

And before you have gone,  
We will make you look so pretty,  
In our avant garde beauty salon,  
In the great Sapphire City!

Ha, Ha, Ha, Ho, Ho, Ho!  
Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha!  
We will leave with this short ditty...  
With a la la la, and la de da...  
In the great Sapphire City!

_The citizens and hoverscreen left, leaving the group in the salon. Each person, except the chihuahua, who followed Dib, was taken to a chair._

Scarecrow's Attendants: We will now clean your face,  
So you never will look gritty.  
Scarecrow: Yay! Now I look just like an ace!  
Attendants and Scarecrow: In the great Sapphire City!

Tin Girl's Attendants: We will polish your skin,  
And soon you will be so shiny!  
You'll look like silver, and not tin!  
In the great Sapphire City!

Dib's Attendants: We can make your hair look nice  
Quite easily.  
Dib: Can you just leave me alone  
And let it be?  
Attendants: Nuh-uh!  
Dib: But, can't you see...

_The attendants ignored Dib and started working on his hairdo. Meanwhile, attendants curled the lion's mane and even put a bow in it, but he seemed to be oblivious._

Lion's Attendants: We will now trim your mane,  
And make you look so witty.  
And we'll end it all with this refrain,  
In the great Sapphire City!

_The scarecrow got out of his chair and began dancing around._

Scarecrow: La de da, Hi de ho,  
La de doo dee doh!  
I know that I will love it here,  
In the great Sapphire City!

I know that I will love it here,  
And a la de da!  
Doo dee doh!  
Whee he hee, he ha!  
Dum de doh!  
Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!

_Everyone stared at the scarecrow for a second. He shut up._

Everyone: In the great Sapphire City!

Dib: Alright, now that we went on their tour, maybe we can go to the Wizard of Ak!

Scarecrow: Aw, you look so pretty!

_Dib turned around to notice the lion and tin girl laughing hysterically. Upon finding a nearby mirror, he looked and found that the people of the salon had styled his hair, giving it a 'Jackie O' look. Turning red, he quickly brushed his hair back into a semblance of its regular style._

Dib: Okay, you can stop laughing now!

Lion: Hmm... I guess I could. But I think I won't! Here I go!

_The lion and tin girl continued to laugh._

Dib: You don't look so great yourself. Who ever heard of a 'mighty king of the forest' with a bow in his hair, anyway?

Lion: Bow? What is this bow?

Dib: Hehe... never mind.

Scarecrow: Ooh... look up there!

_The four of them, along with everyone else in the Sapphire City, looked up at the sky. The witch was writing a message in the clouds with her broomstick. It read:_

_SURRENDER DIB  
TO HIS  
DOOM DOOM  
DOOM DOOM  
DOOM DOOM  
DOOM DOOM..._

Dib: She has got to be really dizzy by now...

_At the sight of the message, the whole city began panicking and running towards the Wizard of Ak's chief security guard, who was standing in front of the Wizard's palace._

Person: Let us in to see the wizard!

_The guard shook his head._

Guard: Nobody can see the wizard. But rest easy, for I am on the job! I will make sure that the city and its citizens are safe, not to mention the fine shopping facilities. All shall slumber well with...

_By that time, everyone had fled, with the exception of Dib and his companions. Dib slowly approached the guard._

Dib: Please let us in!

Guard: Nobody can see the Wizard of Ak! It is my sworn duty to keep...

Dib: But I'm Dib!

Guard: Dib? The witch's Dib? Surrender-Dib-to-his-doom-doom-doom-doom-doom-doom-doom-doom Dib? 

Dib, exasperated: Yes...

Guard: Well, that makes a difference! I will announce you right away!

_With that, the guard went into the palace._


	11. If I Were Conquering

Tin Girl: Finally we're getting somewhere...

Scarecrow: Yay! I'll get sane! Whoo!

Dib: And I'll finally get out of here! Uh, no offense...

Lion: And I, the lion, will finally get enough self-esteem to take my rightful place as mighty ruler of the forest!

_A tune began to play. As the lion stepped into the spotlight, Dib sat in the corner and took the opportunity to update his Paranormalists' Journal. _

**If I Could Conquer the Forest**  
Lion: If I could conquer the forest,  
Not hill, not field, not dune.  
I'd rule each thing in the forest,  
Each squirrel, each pig, each raccoon.

_Dib looked up from his journal._

Dib: Do pigs even live in the forest?

Lion: Yes they do. Now quiet, and let me continue my amazing song!

I'd control them all with an iron claw!  
I would doom enemies,  
Until they'd withdraw!

As I'd raise my hand,  
Giving a command,  
All the beasts would kneel,  
To my grand appeal!  
They would bow to their great king!  
If I were conquering!

And all would soon bow down to me.  
They'd dedicate a town to me.  
I would growl and roar,  
Like never before,  
'Til they were all obeying!  
If I were conquering!  
Conquering!

Scarecrow: And all would soon bow down to him.  
They'd dedicate a town to him.  
And his power would always remain!

Lion: I'll be monarch of all,  
I shall reign!

_The scarecrow placed a makeshift crown and cape on the lion. As the lion readjusted his 'crown', he noticed the bow in his mane and tossed it aside. He quickly regained his composure._

Monarch am I,  
I shall reign!  
Monarch am I,  
I shall reign!

Scarecrow: Your Majesty, when conquering,   
You think you'd rule o'er everything?

Lion: I'd rule all with my amazing ability!

Scarecrow: Even a lawn gnome?

Lion: At my heel he would... come!

Scarecrow: How about a little piggy?

Lion: Why... for me he would dance... a jiggy!

Scarecrow: Supposin' you met an elephant?

Lion: My praises he would yell...ophant!

Scarecrow: What if it were an orange?

Lion: Huh? An orange? Well, I'd... I'd... uh, make him obey me too! Yes!

Scarecrow: How?

Lion: How? Self-esteem!   
What gives a forest king his might?  
Self-esteem!  
What makes his enemies take flight?  
Self-esteem!  
What makes the wise owl fly and hoot,  
And what makes the thief steal lots of loot?  
What makes the hamster so darn cute?  
Self-esteem!

What makes actors put up a fuss?  
Self-esteem!  
What makes the Dib child's head enormous?  
Self-esteem!

Dib: It's not big!

Lion: Whatever.  
What gives the roadrunner his speed?  
What makes a businessman succeed?  
What have they got that I might need?

Scarecrow: Uh... tacos!

Lion: No, you fool! Self-esteem!

Scarecrow: Is that like tacos?

Lion: No. Not at all.

Scarecrow: Awww...

Lion: Self-esteem is what I need,  
So to the Wizard I will plead.  
And once it's been gained,  
All will soon be reigned,  
By me! I shall be king!  
If I were conquering!

_As the lion finished his song, the guard came outside._

Guard: The Wizard says 'Go Away'!

Dib: But... but...

_The guard got out an electronic datebook._

Guard: He might be able to see you in two years... oh, wait, that date just filled up. Farewell, and be sure to visit the fine facilities of our fair city.

_He saluted the group. However, the tin girl kicked the guard in the shins, and he fell over._

Tin Girl: I _am_ getting my game!

_The tin girl entered the Wizard of Ak's palace; Dib looked at the others and, shrugging, followed her. Soon the whole group had made it inside the building. They looked around the spooky corridor as they walked in the direction of the wizard. Would he grant their wishes, or had they come all this way for nothing?_


	12. An Audience With the Wizard

_Dib, the scarecrow, the tin girl, the lion, and the chihuahua slowly crept through the corridor. In surprisingly little time, the five of them reached the Wizard of Ak's main chamber. Dib tentatively approached the throne, and, almost immediately, a translucent green head appeared. Dib, surprised, jumped back._

Head: I am the great and powerful Ak! How ya doin'?

Dib: Well, considering that my house got blown over to another planet, I was threatened by a witch, attacked by trees...

Head: That's lovely. Oh, and I love your shoes!

Dib: Enough about the shoes!

Head: Uh, okay. So, whaddya want?

Dib: I want to go back to planet Earth...

Scarecrow: And I wanna be sane! Woo hoo! Yow! Whee hee! Wa hoo...

Tin Girl: And I want a video game. You'd _better_ get it for me...

Lion: And I want self-esteem so that I can demonstrate my truly amazing prowess and rule the forest!

Head: Hmm... well, I think I can get you guys what you want...

_The group's eyes lit up._

Head: ...but you will have to do something for me first. Bring me the broomstick of the Bitters Witch of the West, and I'll grant your requests. Goodbye!

Dib: Uh, won't we have to kill the witch to get it?

Head: Well, yes, that's the idea...

Dib: But you're more powerful than we are! Why don't you get it yourself rather than risking our lives?

Head: Just because.

_The scarecrow nodded in agreement._

Scarecrow: He is wise! Whee!

Dib: But that's just stupid! Why...

Head: Don't call the great and powerful Ak stupid! After all, I'm not the one in high heels.

Tin Girl: He's got a point there.

Head: Well, go and get the broomstick, kay? Seeya!

_The head disappeared as quickly as it had appeared._

Dib: But... but...

Lion: Enough of your insolence, shoe boy! Let us get this... brum-stik! It should be no trouble when you have an ally as incredible as me! She will cower before my incredible roar!

Dib: Fine, fine. Where does this witch live, anyways?

Scarecrow: I know! I know!

Dib: You do?

Scarecrow: In a big scary room with a crystal ball, and skulls, and dead rats, and a big ol' spider named Joe!

Dib: Well, that... didn't help at all.

Tin Girl: Let's go already!

_The five of them walked out and followed the tin girl to a stand that said 'Maps: See the Houses of the Stars!'._

Employee: See the houses of the stars! Do you want to see the Almighty Warlocks' summer home?

Tin Girl: No. Can you get us a map of the witch's house?

_The employee, who had previously been calm, became shocked at the mention of the witch._

Employee: You best be forgettin' about that Bitters woman! She's trouble, she is! I hate that witch! Since she's come by, we've lost...

_The tin girl grabbed the employee by the collar._

Tin Girl: No. We want the witch's house, and we want it _now_. And you will pay if we don't get it!

Employee: Uh, ok! But, whatever you do, you didn't get that map from us! And get out!

_The employee tossed the map at the tin girl and quickly closed the stand. The group took a look at the map. The witch's home turned out to be a castle in the middle of the picturesque-sounding 'Haunted Forest'._

Lion: Well... let us show this witch human that she should not mess with the mighty lion!

_With this, the group set off on their quest to... buy equipment for the trip to the witch's castle._


	13. Attack of the Flying Monkeys!

_Eventually, the group, with their Deluxe Witch Hunting Kits in hand, reached the edge of the Haunted Forest. Dib and the lion looked rather tearful; Dib no longer had his trenchcoat, and the lion's mane was shorn and mutilated. _

Dib: I can't believe I had to pawn my trenchcoat for this stuff...

Lion: Silence, pitiful human! Your stinky trenchcoat is nothing next to my amazing liony mane! Nothing!

Tin Girl: Whiners!

_The pair looked at the tin girl, whose left leg had been replaced by a wooden pole. Dib then looked at the scarecrow._

Dib: Uh, how did you get the money for your kit, anyway?

Scarecrow: Hmm...

_As the scarecrow thought, the scene faded back to the 'Sapphire City Super Spectacular Magic Store That Sells Magic Stuff... Like Witch Hunting Kits (Hint Hint)'. The scarecrow was playing with a magic wand, and had already turned three patrons into a plate of waffles, a rat, and a moose. The store employee was trying desperately to get the insane customer out of his store._

Employee: Stop the madness!

Scarecrow: Uh... well... um... no.

Employee: Here! Take this kit and leave!

Scarecrow: Whee...bu...

Employee: I don't care if you can't pay! It's a free sample! Now go!

_The employee pushed the scarecrow out of the store. As he smiled smugly, the last ray of magic from the wand reflected off of a mirror, and the employee was transformed into a frog. The scene then faded back to the Haunted Forest._

Scarecrow: ...I don't know.

Dib: Okay... well, according to this map, the castle is that way.

_As the five of them headed off towards the castle, the Bitters Witch watched their progress along with her winged monkey henchman._

Witch: Bah... You! Lead the others and go capture Dib! And his dog while you're at it. And, uh, just beat up the other three.

_The monkey saluted his master and flew out the window, leading a small army of scary and angry winged monkeys to Dib. He picked up Dib and the chihuahua, leaving the others to deal with the rest. Several monkeys took the kits and threw them in the river. The lion and tin girl attempted to battle the other monkeys; however, the scarecrow didn't seem scared at all and didn't try to fight. Instead, his eyes lit up and he gave a nearby monkey a giant hug._

Scarecrow: Whoo! I love you...

_The other monkeys looked at each other and flew away. The remaining monkey tried to get free, and finally succeeded when he tossed his bellhop hat to the ground and the scarecrow loosened his grip to pick it up. The monkey (who was scary rather than angry, by the way) flew away faster than he had ever flown before._

Scarecrow: Why do you go, monkey? WHY DO YOU GO? Why? Why!? I loved you! It's not fair! I want my monkey back! I will be sad forever and cry and cry and cry and... Whee! Lookit my new hat!

_Meanwhile, the head monkey put Dib and the chihuahua in the witch's room. A hissing noise could be heard. Dib backed into the serpentine form of the Bitters Witch._

Witch: Dib... give me my shoes... NOW!

_Dib got a little scared, but he took a deep breath and confronted the witch._

Dib: Look, lady... you may be spooky... okay, you may be really really spooky, but the fate of this planet rests on me keeping these shoes on, and I'm not going to give it up now! If I could stand the taunts and jokes at my expense, I can...

Witch: Quiet. Your voice is bothering me. If you won't give me the shoes now, maybe you'll change your mind after I drown your precious little dog!

Dib: But that isn't even my dog!

Witch: So why does he follow you around?

_Dib shrugged._

Witch: Well, I'm just going to go ahead and take the shoes anyway.

_The witch tried to take the slippers, but, when she tried, the shoes some how zapped her hands with their magical powers... or something like that._

Witch: Oh, I almost forgot... I can't take the shoes back until you're dead.

_She slithered towards an hourglass and turned it over._

Witch: I will give you an hour to ponder the existential futility of it all before sending you to your doom. Goodbye.

_The witch left the room, and Dib walked over to the crystal ball._

Dib: I wish I could get out of this place. Gee... I wonder what's happening back home. They must have noticed that I was gone by now...

_The crystal ball lit up and showed a scene in his living room. Gaz was playing video games on the cough when Professor Membrane walked in._

Prof. M.: Daughter, have you seen your brother around? I don't think I've seen him since the tornado.

_Gaz shrugged._

Prof. M.: Okay then. Well, I'm going to the lab. I have an important project to work on!

_The professor held up a paper clip._

Prof. M.: Soon, you will no longer be a mere paper clip! You will be a _super_ paper clip!

_The scene faded, and Dib sighed._

Dib: I guess it doesn't really matter...

_Soon, a second scene had come up. Zim was cackling and Gir was... trying to cackle but not quite getting the wickedness down._

Zim: Now that I have gotten rid of Dib, I shall be free to doom the Earth with my terrible and great doom! This filthy planet will be nothing but a big ball of fire!

Gir: Can we make smores?

_As the second scene had faded, Dib's resolve had become firm._

Dib: I must get back... for the Earth! Right?

_He turned to the chihuahua, but got no response. The dog must have escaped!_


	14. Entering the Castle

_Meanwhile, the scarecrow, tin girl, and lion were taking stock of their situation._

Tin Girl: This quest was stupid! I should've just pawned both of my legs and gotten enough money to _buy_ a game!

Lion: Silence! You and your pitiful complaints stand in the way of me taking my rightful place as mighty liony ruler of the stinky forest beasts! Now, go down to that lake and retrieve our, uh, witch-catchy-questy-fulfilly... things.

_The tin girl glared at the lion._

Tin Girl: I'd rust. You do it. Or are you afraid of water?

Lion: Nonsense, silly humanoid metallic person! I fear nothing, for I am the great lion!

Tin Girl: Whatever. Then _do it_.

Lion: And mess up my fur? Never!

_The tin girl looked at the scarecrow._

Tin Girl: Can you get them?

Scarecrow: Get what?

_She resisted the urge to pummel her companion._

Tin Girl: The kits! At the _bottom_ of the _river_. Can you _swim_ in the _river_ and get the _kits_?

Scarecrow: Swim? Okee-dokee!

_The scarecrow dived in, but rather than getting the kits, he began to perform a bizarre little synchronized swimming routine. Finally, he leaped out of the water, splashing the lion, who desperately tried to get the water off of him._

Lion: Aaah! Get it off me! Get it off me!

_The tin girl shook her head contemptuously and turned towards the scarecrow._

Tin Girl: Why didn't you get the kits?

Scarecrow: The what?

Tin Girl: Never mind. I guess we'll have to do this without the stupid kits.

Lion: Yes! She will cower before my _amazing_ power! Getting the broomstick will be easy with the beneficial help of me!

Tin Girl: Okay...

_The group was interrupted by a visitor._

Scarecrow: It's the doggie! Yay!

Tin Girl: What are you doing here?

Scarecrow: He says that Dib is trapped in a well and that the witch is stranded on a cliff and that we gotta save them!

_The tin girl and lion exchanged looks._

Scarecrow: And he says that the castle is behind that rock!

_The group peered behind a large rock, and, oddly enough, they saw the castle. Surrounding the main entrance were several kid guards, who marched along and chanted._

Guards: Doomy, doom! Doom, doom, doom!... Doomy doom...

Scarecrow: I got an idea! We'll take the guards' costumes and wear them and pretend to be guards so we can walk in the castle! Just like on TV!

Tin Girl: No.

Scarecrow: Aww...

_The tin girl, followed by the others, made their way to a side entrance. It was protected by a single guard: a chubby, odd-looking boy. The tin girl, followed by her three companions, approached the guard._

Guard: Hi! Who are you? I hope you're not trying to break into this castle, because I'm just the most amazing guard in this place, which is why the witch only needed _me_ to watch this entrance!

_The guard's eyes bulged._

Guard: I mean, not to brag or anything, but I've probably stopped more intruders than any other kid in this place, so I'm pretty much the most elite evil minion around! Some of the other kids deny it, but you know they're just jealous 'cause of all the things I've done. Like, there was this time I single-handedly had to guard the castle from an invading...

Tin Girl: Shut up!

_She punched the guard in the stomach; he promptly fell to the ground. The four entered the castle and followed the chihuahua up to the room where Dib was being held captive._


	15. The Final Confrontation

_Dib desperately snooped through the room for an escape; however, his investigations appeared fruitless. As he was about to give up hope, he heard some familiar voices._

Tin Girl: Dib had _better_ be in here... 

_Dib excitedly ran to the door and started pounding on it._

Dib: It's me! I'm locked in here, and I don't have much time! Can you get me out?

Scarecrow: Only if you say the secret word!

Dib: The witch is going to kill me if you don't get me out! Stop joking around!

Scarecrow: Nope! That's not even close! Try again!

Dib: Argh!

_To Dib's surprise, he heard the sound of the door being unlocked. He turned his head and saw the tin girl opening the door._

Tin Girl: It's a good thing she keeps the key under the rug...

Dib: I never thought I'd say this, but I am so glad to see you guys!

Lion: Yeah, sure, whatever. Now, let us foil the witch! Next to me, she will be nothing more than a pitiful, weak, powerless thing! Once she has gotten a glimpse of the powerful might of the _lion_, she will be begging to hand her brum-stik to me! And she will...

_The lion was silenced as the figure of the Bitters Witch became visible in a nearby doorway. The group ran up the stairs as fast as they could, though Dib lagged behind because, well, running for your life while wearing high heels is not exactly easy._

Witch: Guards! Get them!

_The guards, followed by the Bitters Witch herself, started to go after the group. After a long chase that shall not be described but which was most assuredly intense and spooky, the five of them got cornered in the janitor's room. The Bitters Witch, with her broomstick in hand, approached the group with a menacing expression on her face._

Witch: I'm tired of this. I'll just send you all to your doom... doom... doom... doom... doom...

Lion: This is all your fault, snail boy!

Dib: Hey! Have you ever tried running in these things? Besides, we would have been fine if _someone_ was quiet enough not to attract the witch's attention!

Lion: How dare you insult the great lion!

_Dib angrily picked up the first 'weapon' he could find: a bucket of water. Upon seeing the look of fright on the lion's face, Dib grinned and tossed the water in the lion's direction. However, the lion was able to dodge the attack and the water hit the Bitters Witch. The guards shrieked and inched backward. Dib looked in shock at the Bitters Witch, who had suddenly begun to... well, not do anything in particular. She was just dripping wet and very, very cranky._

Dib: Eheh...

Scarecrow: I'm melting... this pretty metal thingy!

_Everyone turned towards the scarecrow, who was holding Dib's medallion over a fire. Dib promptly snatched it back._

Dib: We're all about to die, and you're... melting stuff? How random is that?

Scarecrow: But it's fun! Wanna see?

Dib, Tin Girl, and Lion: No.

_The scarecrow looked for other things to melt._

Scarecrow: And I'm melting... uh, this guy's sword, and this candlestick, and this ring, and a great big silvery thing, and...

_Two of the guards finally restrained the scarecrow._

Scarecrow: Aw, man.

Witch: Enough! Guards! Find a way to get the ruby slippers off! And then send Dib and his little friends to their doom... doom... doom... doom...

_A guard tapped the witch on the shoulder._

Witch: ...doom... where was I? Oh yes. You will all be made to realize the pointlessness of your miserable existences, and you'll regret the day you took my shoes...

Tin Girl: Wait a second... this is all about the stupid shoes?

Dib: Well, I also accidentally killed her sister, but, yeah, now it's mostly about the shoes.

Tin Girl: They're selling shoes just like that in the Sapphire City.

Witch: Oh.

_The witch pressed a conveniently located button and summoned an angry winged monkey henchman. She handed him some money._

Witch: This should be enough. Now go to the Sapphire City and buy me a pair of ruby slippers. And you had better get them back before the Warlocks' Ball next week, or you will regret it!

_The monkey flew out the window. Meanwhile, Dib was in a state of shock._

Dib: You mean you just wanted to wear these shoes for some silly ball? You're not going to use them to destroy Ak?

Guard: Using _shoes_ to destroy a planet? That kid's crazy!

_The guards all broke out in laughter. Dib, embarassed, went up to the witch._

Dib: Can I just have your broomstick now?

_The witch glared at Dib, and there was a faint hissing noise. She pointed to a broomstick in the janitor's room._

Witch: Fine. You can have my spare. Go away and leave me alone. Now!

Dib: Oh, and do you happen to have an extra pair of boots I could wear...

Witch: GO!

_The five, broomstick in hand, tiptoed away from the Bitters Witch and left the castle._


	16. A Second Audience With the Wizard

_ The group took the broomstick to the Wizard's palace; as they entered the main room, the glowing head reappeared._

Head: Hi! It's you again! So, what's up?

Dib: We got the witch's broomstick. Now will you get us what we want?

Head: Hm... well, that does look like the witch's broomstick. Did you kill her?

Dib: Uh, well, not really. She gave us her spare so we'd leave her alone.

Head: Aw, well, that's too bad. I guess I can't grant your wishes. Bye now!

Dib: All you said was that you wanted the broomstick! You didn't say we _had_ to kill her!

Head: Well, uh, I am the great and powerful Wizard of Ak, and you have to do as I say, so there! Seeya!

Scarecrow: Awww... pretty please with a hot fudge bacon pizza on top?

_Meanwhile, the chihuahua had opened a curtain in the room. Though the tin girl, lion, and scarecrow were to busy arguing with the 'wizard' to pay attention, Dib almost immediately saw what was going on. He could make out a figure who seemed to be using controls of some sort, and he was even speaking into a microphone. As Dib inched closer towards the figure, he noticed that it looked almost exactly like his own dad, though he was a bit younger. He tapped the man's shoulder._

Man: Wha? Uh...

_The man spoke into the microphone, and the glowing head seemed to follow his speech, though the voice was different._

Face: Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain! The great and powerful Ak forbids...

Dib: C'mon... who do you think you're fooling?

_The man pressed a button, and the glowing head disappeared._

Scarecrow: Where'd the wizard go? Where is he?

Man: Alright, alright... I am the real Wizard of Ak.

Lion: I knew it! My keen lion senses told me that there was some filthy human behind this!

_The tin girl gave the broomstick to the Wizard._

Tin Girl: Here's your stupid broomstick. You will pay if we don't get our stuff!

Wizard: Okay, one at a time. How about you, young man?

Scarecrow: Whee! I wanna be sane, silly Wizard man!

Wizard: Let me see... Well, insanity is a relative term in any case, and it is only slightly removed from eccentricity. Where I come from, we have Psychologists, and it is their job to determine whether any given person is sane or insane. And so...

_The Wizard pulled out a piece of paper and handed it to the scarecrow._

Wizard: ...I will bestow upon you a certificate of sanity, signed by a highly reputable Psychologist. You are hereby declared sane.

Scarecrow: Yay! I feel sane already! Now I'm gonna do the sane dance!

_As the scarecrow proceeded to dance, the Wizard approached the tin girl._

Wizard: Would you like a new leg, young lady?

Tin Girl: A leg would be okay, but I want a game, and I had better get one if you know what's good for you!

Wizard: First of all, here's a certificate for a new leg. If you turn it in before Wizard's Day, you will also get a free oiling!

Tin Girl: And the game?

_The wizard rooted through a pile of electronics and took out a game system._

Wizard: Here is a brand new system, develo...

_The tin girl grabbed the system and proceeded to play. The Wizard shrugged and turned towards the lion._

Wizard: What would you like?

Lion: It is my destiny to rule over the forest, but there is one thing that impedes my mighty self from controlling the pitiful forest slime! As a wise wizard, you should easily guess that, while my intellect and physical strength are amazing and worthy of a forest king, I lack the self-esteem that would make me, the mighty lion, king!

Wizard: A bit of advice: self-assessments may occasionally be biased, and you might want...

Lion: Yeah, sure, whatever. Now gimme!

Wizard: Okay... Well, where I used to live, there were people called gurus, and they would give advice to people who felt they had low self-esteem.

_The Wizard got out a book entitled 'I'm Amazingly Wonderful, You're Amazingly Wonderful' and a medal._

Wizard: So, here you go. Have fun!

_The lion looked at his medal._

Lion: It says 'Amazing'! It speaks the truth!

Wizard: Well, bye now!

Dib: Hey, you haven't gotten me something yet!

Wizard: Oh, you're right! Well, what do you want?

Dib: I'd like to go back home, to a planet called Earth.

Wizard: Well, that is a coincidence! I'm from Earth as well!

Dib: So you're really Professor Membrane? Not some bizarre alternative universe twin?

Wizard: I see you've heard of me.

_Dib sighed. His dad could ignore him sometimes, but he would at least recognize him._

Dib: Heard of you? I'm Dib! Your son, remember?

_The Wizard patted Dib on the head._

Wizard: You poor insane boy. Anyway, when I was on Earth, I had a TV show. A show that altered the lives of all who watched it, and showed the wonders of science to everyone! Once, I had put together a demonstration involving a toast-powered rocketship. Unfortunately, my ship accidentally landed in a wormhole, which took me across time and space. I ended up on this far away planet many years in the future! I was taken in by the citizens of this city, though it was tiny and devoid of technology. Once I introduced the people of Ak to the wonders of real science, they made me their ruler in gratitude. I have been on the lookout for another wormhole ever since, and I finally found one that would be opening tomorrow afternoon! You can come with me, as long as you don't mind going back ten years in time.

Dib: Hmm...

_Dib pictured a twenty-year-old version of himself facing Zim and smiled. If he was fully grown by the time Zim came to Earth, he could do more about the threat._

Dib: It's a deal!

Wizard: Well, then! See you tomorrow!


	17. The Wizard Departs

_The next day, the four travellers and the chihuahua were with the Wizard in the middle of the town square. Next to them, there was a huge, impressive-looking rocketship. Dib looked down at his feet; he was glad that there were hedges blocking his feet from the view of the many onlookers, for he hadn't been able to trade in the ridiculous ruby slippers for normal shoes or boots._

_He thought back to the previous evening, when he visited the 'Fantastic Footwear' stand. The crazed-looking employee, who had a styrofoam shoe for a hat, began shouting at Dib._

Employee: FANTASTIC FOOTWEAR!

Dib: Hi.

Employee: Uh... what'll it be?

Dib: Do you have any...

Employee: Wait, uh, you know... the... uh, witch's monkey sent us this...

_The employee pointed to a flier hanging on the inside of the stand; it sported a picture of Dib and read 'Do not serve this person unless you want to be doomed... doomed... doomed... doomed... doomed... goodbye.'_

Employee: Something about a broomstick or... uh... hmm... something.

_Dib grimaced at the memory as he listened to the Wizard speak._

Wizard: ...and as I, this big-headed boy, and his spooky little dog jouney back to our mysterious homeland, you will get three new leaders! You will now be led by the Scarecrow, by virtue of his sanity, the Tin Girl by virtue of her, uh, video gaming skills, and the Lion, by virtue of his extraordinary self-esteem. They will lead you as long as the great Sapphire City stands!

_As the crowd cheered, the Wizard leaned over to Dib._

Wizard: I give it forty-five minutes, tops...

_The Wizard stood up again and addressed the crowd._

Wizard: And so...

_He looked at his watch._

Wizard: Hm, we only have twelve minutes and twenty-eight seconds to get to the wormhole. Bye now!

_The wizard, followed by Dib and the chihuahua, entered the spaceship._

Lion: Now, as your new lord and master, I have something to say. You filthy slave beasts must bow to the amazing might of me, the lion! And you must give me presents to demonstrate your complete and total servitude! Oh, such presents you will give...

Scarecrow: Now, everybody do a dance! Just like this!

_Dib gave a sigh of relief as he realized that he wouldn't have to deal with _them_ anymore. However, he soon realized that something was wrong. The chihuahua had jumped out of the ship and began to go after a cat that was in the arms of the same purple-haired girl he had seen earlier. Dib shrugged._

Dib: Why should I care? It's not even my dog...

_Dib took a second look. The dog was carrying his precious Paranormalists' Journal! Dib quickly ran out to fetch it._

Dib: Wait a second, willya?

_Dib grabbed the journal and started to run back._

Wizard: Sorry, we're already ten seconds behind schedule. Goodbye!

_Dib looked sadly at the rocketship as it rose up into space._

Dib: There goes my last chance of returning home. With nothing to stand in Zim's way, the Earth will become a ball of flames. And I'll be stuck here forever!

Tin Girl: Will you shut up? I'm in the zone...

Dib: Why me?

_Dib suddenly noticed that the crowd had gone completely silent. He turned around and saw pink and purple bubbles float to the ground. Despite the pain that his footwear was putting him in, Dib ran up to the Almighty Warlocks._


	18. No Place Like Home

Dib: You! 

W. North: Why, hello, Dib! What have you been up to these days?

_The Warlock of the South giggled softly._

Dib: What have I been up to? I've been on a wild goose chase to find this wizard and get home to Earth, and it all came to nothing! And the whole time, I've been wearing these stupid shoes...

W. South: Hee... I think they look quite fetching...

_Dib glared at the Almighty Warlocks and proceeded._

Dib: ...wearing these shoes, thinking that by doing so, I would save the planet from the witch. But, guess what? The witch didn't want the shoes because they were powerful; she just wanted to wear them to something called the Warlocks' Ball!

W. North: Warlocks' Ball? Oh, yeah, _that_ Warlocks' Ball...

W. South: Well, we didn't tell you... but the real reason we thought you should take the shoes... hehe... is that you can use them to get back to Earth!

_Dib looked at the two warlocks, who were both trying to hold back laughter._

Dib: C'mon, how gullible do you think I am? The only thing these shoes can do is give someone blisters!

W. North: No, they're really _magic_ shoes!

Dib: Sure. Then why didn't you tell me before?

W. South: Because you had to... learn a valuable lesson before you could use them!

W. North: Yes, exactly! Now, what have you learned?

_Dib shrugged._

Dib: I might as well do this; it's my last chance... Well, I learned not to trust certain 'almighty' aliens...

W. South: Hey!

W. North: Look, you upset him!

Dib: Uh, sorry. I learned to never take my boots for granted, and I learned that, no matter how far away I travel, I'll meet people, er, creatures, who are almost exactly like the ones I know at home.

W. South: Well, that's not exactly what we were going for. Anything else?

Dib: Well...

**Somewhere Beyond This City (Reprise)**  
I wished to leave the city,  
So I'd see,  
New worlds and foreign planets;  
A new reality.

I've gone beyond the city.  
Now I know,  
I should remain on the Earth  
To fight my eternal foe.

This place is pure insanity...  
I'm sick of its inanity!  
No offense...

I've learned to truly see the worth  
Of the small planet known as Earth,  
I know it's... immense!

Somewhere beyond the city,  
I have flown.  
I want to go back to Earth now,  
As I hope I have shown.

If you warlocks can help me fly  
Back to Earth's orbit...  
Please, oh please, comply!

W. North: Well, that works... Now, say goodbye to your friends, and we'll show you how to use your shoes! Then, you and your little dog can go home again!

Dib: But this isn't my...

W. North: Whatever. Now, hurry up; we don't have all day!

_Dib went up to the lion, tin girl, and scarecrow. He first approached the lion._

Dib: Well, I guess this is goodbye...

Lion: Farewell, filthy human-beast! You must feel great remorse that you will never again look upon my awe-inspiring and mighty visage!

Dib: Sure...

_He then went over to the tin girl, who was still playing her game._

Dib: Um, goodbye. I suppose that we'll...

Tin Girl: Quiet! I'm in the middle of a boss!

_Dib shrugged and went to the scarecrow._

Dib: Goodbye, scar...

_The scarecrow jumped up and grabbed Dib's head._

Scarecrow: I'll miss you most of all! I'LL MISS YOU MOST OF ALL!

_Dib put the tearful scarecrow down. He gave a half-hearted smile and waved to the group._

Dib: Uh, seeya!

_Dib came back to the two Almighty Warlocks._

Dib: Okay, now will you take me home?

W. South: All you have to do is... uh, close your eyes, click your heels together, and say "there's no place like Rome."

Dib: Rome?

W. North: Or was it Nome?

Dib: Don't you mean "there's no place like home"?

W. North: Uh, sure, that's it! Now go ahead...

_Dib shrugged. He finally closed his eyes and clicked his heels together._

Dib: There's no place like home... There's no place like home... There's no place like home...

_The warlocks giggled softly at the scene. When they had finally had enough, the Warlock of the North took his wand and zapped Dib, who promptly disappeared._


	19. Home At Last!

_When Dib opened his eyes, he found himself in his bed, surrounded by his father, his sister, and that weird little dog. The world had become black and whi... er, a series of browns once more._

Prof. M: Son! Good to see you awake again!

Dib: Awake?

Prof. M: Yes! When the tornado passed through our city, it dislodged a window, which hit your enormous head. The force must have knocked you out!

Dib: But that's not what happened! I travelled far away, to a planet called...

Prof. M: How many times have I told you to keep that overactive imagination of yours in check? You were obviously in a state of REM sleep and...

Dib: Huh?

Prof. M: You dreamed the whole thing up.

Dib: But it couldn't have been a dream! It was... a place. And you were there! You too, Gaz, and this weird dog, and...

_Dib spied Zim and Gir, in their disguises, walking around his room._

Dib: What are they doing here?

Prof. M: Your little foreign friend wanted to make sure you were okay.

Zim: Yes, I only wanted to check up on my fellow filthy human skoolchild. This has _nothing_ to do with doing a post-tornado damage assesment...

Dib: Get out of my house!

_Dib sprung up and chased after the alien and his robot. Gaz and the professor could still hear his voice as they left the Membrane household._

Dib: You'll pay for this, Zim! I'll never let you get away with your evil scheme...

Prof. M: Well, at least he seems to be back to normal again.

Gaz: Normal? Dib?

Prof. M: True, true.

_Professor Membrane looked out the window and watched his son chase Zim and Gir. He turned to Gaz._

Prof. M: Ah, there's no place like home...

Gaz: I see why you like _work_ so much.

_Professor Membrane checked his watch._

Prof. M: Speaking of which, I'm a minute and thirty-five seconds late! Gotta go!

_The professor ran out the door, and Gaz went downstairs and started playing her Game Slave. Everything was back to normal (well, except for the absence of color, but that wasn't a big deal), and the final credits rolled..._

**THE END**


	20. Afterword

**Afterword**

I'd like to thank everyone who read and enjoyed the story; I had a fun time putting it together! Here's the story behind this insanity:

I heard a parody of 'If I Only Had A Brain' one day; since I was in a weird mood, I began thinking of _Invader Zim_ and how the song might work for Gir. I followed this train of thought, and realized that the major characters of the show would fit surprisingly well with the characters in the movie. Since I had a week during which I was in school but didn't have any schoolwork, I was grateful for the task to take up my time. I was able to do most of the work during that week; the rest had to be finished up under less ideal conditions. But now it's done... hurray!

I am grateful that there are Internet resources for _The Wizard of Oz_ and I don't have to get the tape of the movie if I want to check the facts of a scene or song. I found that **http://www.ozwiz.net** was a very useful resource, as it had the script and song lyrics. It also has files of all the songs, which should be helpful for anyone whose memory of the songs is limited to 'Somewhere Over The Rainbow'.

Finally, I wanted to share a verse for the lion that was sent to me by petzfan@yahoo.com. Though it didn't fit with what I was going to do, I thought it was really adorable and should be put up somewhere. So, here it is:

**If I Only Ruled The Earth**  
Life is sad, believe me human  
When you're too short to do some doomin'  
A midget since your birth  
But I could please the Tallest,   
Never more be called the smallest  
If I only ruled the Earth!

Thanks again; I hope you enjoyed my story!


	21. Afterword II - Fanart!

**The Return of the Revenge of the Afterword**

Amazingly enough, there have been some pieces of fanart dedicated to my little story. Here they are:

First, Spectra did a wonderful drawing that takes place during the time that the group meets the lion for the first time. It is peppered with quotes from the fic, and features Zim in an adorable lion suit getup. What more can you ask for?  
http://www.side7.com/cgi-bin/S7SDB/DisplayImg.pl?INO=172637 

I also did my own piece of artwork based on the fic. Based on a scene from the movie, it has the Bitters Witch and her monkey henchman spying on Dib and co. in a crystal ball. I'm quite pleased with how this turned out, personally.  
http://www.side7.com/cgi-bin/S7SDB/DisplayImg.pl?INO=175275

If you have any WOA fanart to share, please link it in the 'Reviews' section!


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